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Screened

I’ve got way too much time.

I’ve got time to watch. Time to play. And to replay.

I’ve got time to sit back with folded arms, scrutinize, enough reasons to role-play, As judge.

Got enough time to read debates about debates in the comments section, And to weigh in with what I have to say.

To hide behind my username, and build my own fame, Trollin’, rollin’, hatin’, cuz why not make the most of this game!

What do I have to gain by saying nice things? I can actually speak my mind here, and be heard. Isn’t this what I’ve always waited for, Because nobody really heard me all these years When I asked my “why’s” and “how’s” to make sense of a confusing existence.

Now my words will cut, demand to be felt, and in no diffident way. Silence wasn’t my chosen companion, but my cellmate, And now I don’t need to rein it in, come what may.

Anonymity is sometimes an amusing gift. It makes me seem like me, by keeping me from the real me. And yet the only one who wouldn’t know this, will be me.

I keep thinking I’m going one way, but all my routes are detours, And I’ve forgotten the road leading me Home.

I’ve got too much time on my hands, And too little love in my heart, Because when Jesus poured, I said no, And what I couldn’t receive, I was never able to give.

My Master, Jesus He grew, in wisdom and favour, And taller because He was raised, for Grace To find its way like a waterfall, To the lofty and lowly, just the same.

Here’s a chance for change, “Come, follow me” said the Man, And the tax collector became a grace dispenser.

To find Someone of His stature, bowing low to meet me in my boredom, In my bed of lies and disdain, To break into my heart-house and invade, Every kingdom that drains life and paints shame—

He’s the only one who held up a mirror and helped me see, That I was my own greatest enemy. Thinking I harmed them but really, I only failed me.

“Rebuild. And don’t take from another’s,” I heard the command. “That’s a tall order,” I said, “but here’s my first try.” “Well done, faithful,” he called out before I’d even begun. And that’s when my eyes flew open and saw That Grace not only saved but gave, Freely and abundantly, so I never had to steal or compare.

As I let Him see me, I began to see clearly, Repentance meant extending kindness just as I got it, Loving people just as He started it. I didn’t need to diminish their glory to find my own.

Now, this time, I really am seen, I really am heard. Who I am, is really who He always said I’d be, And who I am is freely loved to freely give.

(27th July, 2020)

Love as He has loved us.

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